Counseling Mom

Bob Selden asked:




I recently travelled on a regional train in Australia. When booking my ticket I asked “What’s the difference between first and second class?” The booking clerk’s response was “Oh, there’s a bit more leg room in first class.”

This experience reminded me of a presentation I once attended that was given by the General Manager of a major five star hotel. He often asks his new employees, “What’s the difference between our $300 dollar a night rooms and a $100 per night room at another local hotel?” He knew he was in trouble if the employee responded “$200″.

The difference between service and satisfaction is not “more leg room”. Nor is it “$200″. The difference is the feeling of satisfaction one experiences as a result of the service provided. “Leg room” and “$200″ may well be accurate facts about the service, but they are not how the client feels about the service.

As a service provider, how does one start developing this feeling of “satisfaction”? By developing a personal relationship.

There are at least three elements that lead to the development of a personal relationship between client and service provider:

- the effective use of personal space

- making a personal connection and

- making the service experience memorable for the client

Take three experiences that exemplify this approach.

1. The effective use of personal space:

In the first I was fortunate enough to stay at the Shelbourne Hotel in Dublin recently. After taking our details at the Check In, the clerk came around from behind the counter, introduced herself by name and explained and directed us to all the things we would be likely to need during our stay. By joining us in “our space” on our side of the counter, she was giving us a welcome that would be similar to what we would get when visiting the home of a friend. And, without being pushy or effusive.

Using personal space effectively is the first key to building a relationship by providing a positive first impression. However keep in mind, it does require tact and sensitivity.

2. Making a personal connection:

Closely related to “personal space” is the ability to make a personal connection. The easiest way to do this is by using a client’s name. How easy is it to do this? Well, if one has the client’s name printed anywhere on the documentation, there is no excuse for not doing it.

Singapore Airlines has recently been nominated once again as the world’s best airline. Now, there are probably many reasons for this. However, I’m sure one is the fact that they always endeavour to use the customer’s name at every opportunity. For example whether you fly first, business or economy class, when presenting your boarding pass at the gate the attendant will often say “Have a good flight Mr. Selden”. Similarly when showing your boarding pass to the flight crew as you board, they will say “Welcome aboard Mr. Selden”. Additionally, on occasions the Chief Steward has personally introduced themselves to me, shaken my hand and asked if I need anything, I should just ask.

We all love to hear our own name. It indicates that we are actually a person with feelings, wants and needs and not something to be processed. Using names is a great way to build a personal connection. Of the three elements of building personal relationships, it’s probably the easiest to learn and apply.

3. Making the service experience memorable for the client:

Of the three elements, this is the one that most requires the ability to “get into the client’s world”.

Some time ago, my wife employed a new manager who to take up the job, had to move herself and husband from Melbourne to Sydney. During their first week in Sydney, we took them out to dinner at one of our favourite restaurants. The meal went well, but the crowning glory came when the desserts arrived. Piped in chocolate around the edge of our guest’s plates were the words “Welcome to Sydney”. Had we arranged this with the restaurant? No. The waitress, through her brief discussion with us at the start of the meal had ascertained these details and passed them on to the chef. I know that many years later, this couple still talk about the great welcome they got during their first week in Sydney.

Developing a feeling of customer satisfaction is not rocket science. It is very simple to train service providers in how to do this. However, the real key to building personal customer relationships is the relationships managers develop with their people. All the great training in the world will only be successful when top managers, middle managers and front line managers also:

- effectively use personal space

- make a personal connection and

- make each management experience memorable for the employee.

Managers who model personal relationships are the key to ensure service providers do likewise.

Tricia Pix asked:


I’m 14 so if it’s written for teenagers that would be really helpful. I am a sufferer of depression and attempted suicide, I am receiving help. I would love to read books about beating depression, or ******* but there are so many out there I don’t know what to get! So any suggestions? Any books about it that you read and loved?
I’m already recieving help for my depression- thanks anyways. And I’m not religious.

Flor Serquina asked:




It has been a vicious cycle for you: every time change happens in your life, you feel anxious, then depressed. You don’t like the feeling because it prevents you from functioning properly, in the office and at home. You shut yourself away from friends and people that you love. And in doing so, you feel sadder than ever.

However, did you know that it is possible to treat yourself from anxiety and depression without medications? Many people have done anxiety depression self help and they have been successful in doing it. You can, too, with these seven ways to a stress-free life.

1. Condition yourself everyday that change is inevitable.

This is hard to do and may cause you to be more depressed than you already are. Yet, this method is the best medicine that you can ever have for a successful anxiety/depression self help. Mind conditioning has been one of the most effective formulas that athlete mentors and sports coaches have used to motivate athletes to push harder and create a winner mindset during a game. You can do it, too.

If you regularly condition yourself that change will always come into your life, time will come that you will never get depressed or feel anxious whenever new things, both good and bad, come your way because your mind will have adapted to the inevitability of change.



2. Talk to someone when anxiety or depression strikes.

It is alright to let someone know how you feel. A friend or a family member can understand you better and would know it when the blues come. They would know when to calm you down and remove depressing thoughts out of your mind. Also, it has been tested by psychiatrists that talking things out is one of the best methods for anxiety depression self help.

3. Run the treadmill during the “bluest” of times.

Studies have shown that those who are in their saddest state have low levels of happy hormones. Run the treadmill when depression strikes. Don’t think; just run. Let the cadence of running fill your thoughts; let the sweat that trickles down your forehead occupy your time. This anxiety depression self help saves you from buying “uppers” to make you happy.



4. When you feel sluggish, work out. When you feel hyperactive, have a tea party.

Your body may react differently when you feel depressed. You might feel sluggish or hyperactive. When you feel so low and down, let your body work so that it will release “happy” hormones. When you are on the hyperactive side, cool down with a tea. Invite a friend to come over your place for a tea party.

5. Drink vitamin B complex at night.

Vitamin B (B1, B6 and B12) can help you sleep easily and well at night. It has been documented that many depressed person can not sleep easily at night. Vitamin B complex can lull you to sleep, allowing you to rest and preventing hormonal imbalance from disrupting your internal system.

6. Use sugar to your advantage.

Whenever you feel depressed, perk yourself up with sugar. It may be a bar of chocolate, a slice of cake or a cup of ice cream. However, when you are anxious and can not sit down to relax even a minute, don’t take any sugar. It will make you more hyperactive.

7. Learn how to take a deep breath.

Clear the mind, calm nerves. This is what deep and regular breathing can do to you. Never underestimate the power of breathing. Wrong breathing can increase pulse rate while regular, deep breathing can regulate normal to lower heart rate. Lower heart rate means calmer heart and lower blood pressure. And the lower the heart rate and blood pressure, the calmer your brain will be. A calm brain means a balanced body system and a relaxed you.

If you are under medication, this anxiety depression self help can work well with it. In fact, in no time at all, after doing these seven easy anxiety depression self help methods, you may not even need the pills anymore. Learn how your body reacts to things and you can manage anxiety and depression well on your own.

heavenbohemian asked:


Or maybe just good books on depression in general. I would like something inspirational as well as good self-help tips.

Patty A. Harder asked:




In any given year, an estimated 13 million to 17 million Americans will suffer from some form of depression. Women are twice as likely to be depressed as men. And, in fact, one in every five women is expected to develop clinical depression at some point in her lifetime.

With startling statistics such as these, it’s no wonder that the drug companies continue to pump countless resources into developing new drugs to treat depression. But with a myriad of side effects, prescription antidepressants aren’t always the answer for people suffering from sub-clinical depression.

Although it’s always best to seek appropriate medical treatment when you’re depressed, for symptoms of mild to moderate depression, which is sometimes characterized as “the blues,” there are several self-help steps you can take to feel better fast. By focusing on these things each day instead of your sadness, you will be better prepared to battle the blues.

Step 1: Get a Complete Physical

Sometimes an underlying health condition, like hypothyroidism or a vitamin D deficiency, can induce or mimic feelings of depression. That’s why it’s important to get a complete physical with comprehensive blood work before you begin a depression self-help regimen.

Step 2: Exercise at Least 30 Minutes a Day

Exercise is your body’s built-in antidepressant. Just 30 minutes of mild to moderate activity a day (such as a brisk walk) will prompt your body to release hormone-like chemicals called endorphins. Endorphins create a feeling of euphoria and well-being in the human body and can even mask mild pain. If you’re feeling particularly blue, instead of wallowing on the couch, get up and get some exercise!

Step 3: Eat Healthy Meals and Snacks

Fluctuations in blood sugar can intensify feelings of depression. Because of this, nutrition is an important component of your depression fighting self-help system. To give your body the energy it needs to feel good and face life’s daily challenges, eat three small meals and two or three small snacks each day. Make sure you get plenty of lean protein and at least seven servings of fresh fruits and vegetables each day. If you need a sweet treat, dark chocolate (in moderation) has been shown to have depression-fighting characteristics.

Step 4: Take Dietary Supplements

No matter how well you eat, it’s hard to get the recommended daily requirements (RDA) of all vitamins and minerals. At a minimum, take a high quality, high potency multi-vitamin each day. You may also want to take extra vitamin C and consider taking additional nutritional supplements that are known to have mood stabilizing properties (St. John’s Wort and 5-HTP are two examples).

Step 5: Avoid the News

If you’ve watched the news lately or checked the headlines on CNN.com, then you know there’s enough negativity in the world to make even the happiest person sad. If you’re battling depression, the news will only make you feel worse – so avoid it! If you need to check the weather report, try one of the online weather agencies because they don’t give you a helping of doom and gloom along with your forecast.

Step 6: Get Fresh Air and Sunshine

Depressed people tend to hibernate, shutting themselves off from the world. But this only makes them feel more sad and isolated. A great antidote to feeling blue is spending time with Mother Nature. Go to the park, the beach or your backyard. But get a little fresh air and sunshine each day.

Step 7: Get a Daily Dose of Spirituality

Doing one thing (or more) each day that lifts your spirits is essential when you’re fighting depression. Need a few suggestions? Watch your favorite feel-good movie, laugh out loud during a half-hour sit-com, read a few pages from a spiritually uplifting book, listen to a spirit-based instructional CD or DVD, spend 30 minutes playing with your pet or call a friend to catch up. Choose an activity that feeds your soul and leaves you feeling joyful.

Although severe depression should always be treated by a qualified health care professional, only 20 percent of depressed people actually receive the treatment they desperately need. By following the simple, self-help steps outlined in this article, you may be able to turn around your state-of-mind before clinical depression sets in.

Abhishek Agarwal asked:




In this hurry burry world of today, there are a large number of people who go unnoticed because they are unnaturally quiet, and therefore escape notice. They are the shy, introverted, people, who possibly suffer from what is known as low self esteem neurosis.

This is a psychological disorder, and is generally not noticed till quite a stage arrives when physical symptoms of the disease such as recurrent headaches, upset stomach, weakness or disturbed state of mind manifests itself.

These people can be brought into the mainstream of life, and while, a lot of their personality disorder, as it is known, can be rectified, it is mostly up to the person concerned to help themselves. Using medication for this does not have any role, but quiet, unobtrusive guidance to a more positive outlook on their personality may help relieve their stress that they are under.

These people generally require TLC – Tender Loving Care, and DLC – Devoted Loving Care. They may come from varied backgrounds, poor to middle to rich backgrounds. Generally causes can be a dominating mother or father or both, or sibling rivalry, where the affected person feels neglected, or is overawed or afraid even of voicing their concern. They tend to hide their emotions, and cloak their fear with a distant, detached attitude towards other persons, because they expect (unknowingly) that person to resemble their own background community. Often in some cases, this can turn into a neurotic disease which would require medication, and counseling, because they would withdraw into a shell, afraid to come out.

Generally this is a loss to society, because such persons typically have an highly intelligent mind, adapt to changing circumstances, but are unable to attain their potential because of this self esteem blocking factor.

One way of getting an insight into their character can be hypnosis, but this has to be done in a very careful, unaware manner to the patient, because the introvert character has a great mental strength to resist any personal enquiry into their minds! Yet, an expert can probe and get the facts right, and then provided the person is willing a treatment can be applied.

Generally, these persons need to develop social skills, which they neglect, except of course the obvious ones, and then fall silent, and tend to keep to themselves. They project themselves as distant to those who do not know their character, and thus the vicious cycle of meeting-avoiding-meeting-avoiding begins, which adds to the already existing factor of low self esteem.

These people need mentors who can build a sympathetic bridge with them, and then slowly bring them out of their shells, and then they can blossom into their real personalities which can be and extremely opposite to what they had been. This is a difficult task, but well worth it on the part of the family, and the surrounding community in which they live, for they are great supporters of those who are not well, ever ready to silently volunteer their services in helping others.

As for hypnosis, and self talk is concerned, the first is a good possibility. The second is not because of the inbuilt barrier, and if that barrier has been overcome, the first would not be necessary! In use hypnosis too, the inward feelings can be drawn out, and the person made aware of how they can change. But this too again is subject to the respondent’s willingness to change. It is certainly worth a try, because these people do want to change, but don’t know how. That’s why mentoring is important.

Self talk and self hypnosis is only helpful to those who recognize their symptoms, and they don’t need the care required by those who unconsciously do not desire change.